After experiencing one of my ever-increasing number of hot flashes, I told Ron that maybe someday I would spontaneously combust and he would wake up next to a pile of ashes.
 |
| Enoch |
Spontaneous human combustion is a disputed theory in which the person suddenly bursts into flames, expiring and leaving nothing but ashes and perhaps a couple of limbs. When you think about ways to expire, spontaneous combustion doesn't seem half bad, plus it neatly avoids the cost of cremation. When
Enoch went up to heaven without dying, it's possible that he spontaneously combusted ("By an act of faith, Enoch skipped death completely. 'They looked all over and couldn't find him because God had taken him.'"
The Message, Hebrews 11:5), but I really don't believe that it can occur.
 |
| What remained of Dr. Bentley |
But just because I don't believe in it, doesn't mean there aren't lots of stories about spontaneous combustion, the most lurid being the case of
Dr. J. Irving Bentley of Coudersport, Pennsylvania whose remains were found by a meter reader on December 5, 1966. "All that was left intact of the aged doctor was the lower half of his right leg with the slipper still on it. The rest of his body had been reduced to a pile of ashes on the floor in the basement below. His walker lay across the hole in the floor generated by the fire. The rubber tips on it were still intact, and the nearby bathtub was hardly scorched. (The meter reader) ran from the building to get help, screaming 'Doctor Bentley's burned up!'" (source: Wikipedia)
 |
| Spinal Tap |
My personal experience with spontaneous human combustion goes only as far as the movie.
This Is Spinal Tap. The drummers in the band had a bad habit of dying, and this trend continued with Peter "James" Bond, Tap’s third drummer, who spontaneously combusted in what many audience members believed was part of the show at the Isle of Lucy Blues-Jazz (alternately Jazz-Blues) Festival. According to band member Nigel Tufnel "He just was like a flash of green light, and that was it. Nothing was left. Well, there was a little green globule on his drum seat. It was a small stain, actually." Bond’s charred drumsticks were retrieved by manager Ian Faith as mementos. Nigel, who has always been close to the band’s drummers, says Bond’s death was particularly traumatic because "he owed me money." Bond was succeeded by Mick Shrimpton, who would himself later spontaneously combust. (source: www.spinaltapfan.com).
 |
| Drummer before |
 |
| Drummer after |
Personally, the more I learn about spontaneous human combustion, the less it appeals to me. Yes, it's showy and fast, but the leftover limbs kind of creep me out. Guess I'll hang around for awhile.
On a much lighter note, here's a cartoon from the
New Yorker:
No comments:
Post a Comment