Ha, ha, ha, you make me laugh, to think you want my autograph

According to Wikipedia, autograph books were used to collect the autographs of others. Traditionally they were exchanged among friends, colleagues, and classmates to fill with poems, drawings, personal messages, small pieces of verse, and other mementos.

My first autograph book had a brown cover bearing the inscription "Autographs" and was filled with blank pastel pages of various colors. When I was in fifth grade in Sioux City, Iowa, all the girls had autograph books and we spent time at recess and after school passing them around. Most of us were inspired by a wonderful book called Yours Till Niagara Falls: A Book of Autograph Verses. Available through the school's Tab book program, this little gem was packed with autograph verses-- short poems that succinctly (and often hilariously) summed up thoughts about the person, yourself or the world in general.

Since I have a severely limited capacity to memorize poetry, autograph verses seemed inspired. I scoured Yours Till Niagara Falls, looking for the best verses.  Here are a few:

You love yourself

You think you're grand

You go to the movies and hold your hand

You put your arm around your waist

And when you get fresh

You slap your face!

Grandma has a habit

Of chewing in her sleep

She chews on Grandpa's whiskers

And thinks it's shredded wheat.

There was a girl from Havana

Who slipped on a peel of banana

She wanted to swear

But her mother was there

So she whistled The Star-Spangled Banner.

I defy you to say those aren't funny!

When our family moved to Creston, Iowa, that summer, I started a new autograph book and got kids in my class to sign it. Here are some pages from it:

 

 

Autograph books seem to have gone out of style now, with the advent of Twitter and Facebook. There doesn't seem to be a demand among teenage girls for this admittedly low-tech device. But I'm glad that we use them back in the 60s.

Welcome to the wheelchair brigade

There is woman in a wheelchair in the group that I have coffee with every week and when we both come into the shop at the same time I feel like a member of the wheelchair brigade.

There are some excellent benefits associated with being in this elite group including:

• Having complete strangers come up to you in the grocery store and offer to 1) get something off a high shelf 2) open a freezer case, and 3) just generally be nice to me.
• Riding around the subdivision in a power chair while my small dog gets hot and tired on his daily walk.
• Being able to carry a 12 pack of soda or Ron's extra camera lens on my lap for virtually ever.
• Always getting the reserved seating at church, even when we're late.
• Using handicapped parking at the mall, movie theater, grocery store, etc.
• Finding a sock that I was sure was lost in the lower regions of my wheelchair.

Sadly, there are a few downsides including:

• Getting the dog's leash hopelessly tangled in the wheel on my power chair and finally calling my in-laws to rescue me.
• Traveling below eye level of most adults and therefore being relegated to the category reserved for children, animals and other invisible entities.
• Being unable to access any building with a step at its entrance.
• Watching some very able-bodied people leap into their car parked in a handicapped spot and speed away.
• Entering an otherwise empty bathroom and finding that the only handicapped stall is occupied by an able-bodied person who is taking time from their busy schedule to relax and contemplate life.
• Backing away from a table at a restaurant only to run into the people behind me.

Thank heavens for the Americans with Disabilities Act! Signed into law in 1990, this landmark law

  prohibits discrimination and guarantees that people with disabilities have the same opportunities as everyone else.  Among other things, the ADA made it possible for people like me who use a power chair to go pretty much anywhere in the US knowing that the public buildings, stores and public transportation will be accessible. I really don't know what disabled people did before the passage of the ADA.  It has revolutionized the world for people like me.