The next phase

Stages of a monarch butterfly's life

At the risk of sounding incredibly cliched, I have come to the realization that it this time for the next stage of my life. 

I have probably posted this Bible verse before but it seems remarkably apt for this occasion:

“So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 The Message

A number of recent events have caused me to assess where I am in life and make adjustments accordingly. Ron has had to do increasingly more things for me and last night I took a fall in the bathroom that sent us to Prompt Care. My right knee hurt a lot. But after a pain shot and x-rays that showed I had not broken anything, we went back home. This actually made me more sure that it was time to transition to the next stage – in this case that means going to a nursing home or somewhere where I can get more care.

I fought this for a long time – determined to stay in my home until the bitter end. But I realize that this is not fair to my dear husband who has shouldered the responsibility for many not real fun tasks like transferring me from my wheelchair to the toilet and getting me dressed. Someone else needs to do these tasks that I am not able to do anymore. So the search for a facility that would provide care as well as be affordable has begun.

There is a part of me that is my essence – that makes me myself, independent of my body. For every bedridden, non-conversant person in a nursing home, this is also true. There is something inside that person that makes them who they are. Until I die, there will always be something that is uniquely me.

I will still have my family, my friends, my church, and my various interests which will never be taken away. But my life will be easier when I have people to take care of me.

So it is time to begin a new phase of my life. And I am okay with that.