On giving things up and the joys of parenting

Me and my van in better days

Yesterday was a hard day. I decided that I should give up driving.

I made this decision after having a heckuva time getting into and out of the County Building parking lot last week. I had driven my modified van downtown to get a certified copy of my daughter's marriage license, something I didn't think would be too difficult. And it wasn't, except for the driving part.

Oscar and me?

I got in to the parking lot easily enough --  if easily enough means that the attendant came out to give me a ticket rather than me unbuckling my seat belt and grabbing it from the automatic dispenser. But when I attempted to leave the parking lot it was a different story. I had to make a sharp right hand turn which I apparently didn't make quite sharp enough because I ended up scraping the bottom of the van on the curb. The attendant had to leave his booth and steer me through the exit lane. It was a very humbling experience. I arrived home happy that I hadn't hit anyone or damaged the van, but unwilling to take any more risks.

Giving up driving is a big step -- now I know how the elderly father of a friend felt when he came into the garage and his car was gone. He started crying. Giving up driving means relinquishing some independence and draws the circle of your life in just a bit more. Sometimes I think that circle just gets smaller and smaller until you die. Kind of depressing isn't it? Well, read on.

There is a bright side to any situation; but sometimes you have to look harder for it. Yesterday the bright side came in the form of my amazing children. Luckily it was a day off for both of them and the older daughter, after hearing of my plight, drove out and took me to lunch. Boy was that an improvement in my mood -- I went from feeling trapped to feeling loved!

After a long and tasty lunch, she brought me back home and later on I Skyped with my younger daughter who lives up near Chicago.  Skype is one of the best inventions ever! She works with disabled children and was very sympathetic. It was uplifting just to see her.

When your kids are young, you wonder when they will stop needing so much from you. But I never expected that when they grew up they would give back so much. And right when I needed it. The kids are more than all right -- they're a gift.

So how DO you pronounce PechaKucha?

Back in the summer of 2010, Ron and I were pleased to see that Springfield was the location for a new event called PechaKucha Night, and it was going to be held at a bar on the east side of town so somewhat close to us. I figured it was pronounced the way it looked: Peacha Coocha. The Iowan in me concurred. Of course we planned to go.

I found out at the event that the Japanese word is actually pronounced pe-cha-ku-cha (or "chit chat") with equal stress on each of the 4 syllables and is not unique to Springfield -- it's a worldwide phenomenon in over 700 cities. Originally thought up by some architects in Tokyo, the basic idea has a simple object: to get the presenter to be succinct. Each of the 10 presenters gives talks about 20 images for 20 seconds each. This forces the presenter to come to the point quickly, specifically in 6 minutes and 40 seconds. It's harder than it seems -- in many cases it is easier to ramble on and on and on than it is to be brief.

Since the first PechaKucha Night event was going to be held at a bar, we figured it would be a casual and fun evening. It was.

That's not to say that the presenters were perfectly attuned to the whole PechaKucha zen. There were some presentations that were blatant commercials and in one case, a presenter tried to sell the audience CDs after his speech. But the evening was still enjoyable and if we hated the presentation, we knew it would be over soon. An added benefit was when we noticed that most of the members of the sold-out crowd were close to our age. Wow, an event in a bar that we could attend without feeling uncomfortable!

The quarterly PechaKucha nights continued and last year I finally got involved when I heard through a friend that the organizers of the event were thinking about cashing it in because it was so difficult to get good presenters. Since I have a lot of time on my hands now that I am not working I decided that perhaps I could help out. Thankfully I could.

Ron gives a memorable PKN presentation

The core organizers, selfless but very busy people, needed help promoting their event and presenters, for the most part enthusiastic neophytes eager to talk about their topic whether it be the circus, community gardens, exotic vacations, volunteering, being in a commercial, donating a kidney, or making historic building with Legos.

I plunged in, compiling the results of feedback, building an e-mail list and sending out marketing e-mails. I also tried to organize the tons of information about presenters acquired over the years. More than anything the work has enabled me to feel needed -- a basic necessity for everyone, but very rare for someone who is severely disabled. Finally, something I could do!

An email

Hopefully, PechaKucha Nights can go on indefinitely in Springfield. They are always close to sold out so there's no lack of attendees. What there is a need for are presenters -- after five years the obvious people have already presented and we're trying to dig a little deeper. But it is fun and it provides a way to meet new people. And that is a wonderful experience.

Kindness Counts

Chelsea and Becca at her wedding

When Chelsea was about 10, and she and her friend Becca decided to offer a class to kids through Rochester's Summer Recreation Program called "Kindness Counts." The exact content of the class escapes me now -- I must be getting old because I'm having a marked increase in my "senior moment" count. However, the name has stayed with me because I think it is so relevant.

Now stay with me -- I know this is going to sound pompous -- sometimes I think that our society is becoming increasingly less kind. Maybe it's because of the increase in the "me"- centered social media or maybe it's the decline in religion but either way, many people seem to be out for themselves.

Anne Frank

However,  each time I attempt an outing, this theory gets shot in the foot. When I return from the grocery store or Bible study or coffee with friends or even shopping at Target (one of my guilty pleasures), I am convinced that, like Anne Frank so memorably said, "...in spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.”

Why do I feel this way, especially when one of my many wise theories is being debunked? Maybe it has something to do with the fact that at the grocery store, shoppers (usually not even the paid clerks but instead people running to the store on their lunch hour) will invariably ask me if I need for them to snag a product out of my reach. Usually I'm just sitting in my wheelchair staring lustfully at some fabric softener placed on a high shelf. These people don't have to help me but they usually do. And I guess it is just out of being kind.

Bible study attendees

The women in my Bible study are the same. Of course, you would expect women in a Bible study to be helpful, but I don't take it for granted. These women are facing challenges in their personal life like bad bosses, unruly children and abusive husbands. But they never talk down to me and they are always willing to hold the bathroom door for me or get me a cup of coffee. Plus I am treated with respect, just like a normal person would. Wow!

The group of women that I have coffee with each week are just as delightful. (Of course, the fact that I'm having coffee pretty much equates to happiness for me.) These women are thoughtful -- moving a chair out of the way so I can join them at the table, asking me about my day, and helping me with my coat without me having to ask. It's in their nature to be kind and I look forward to this pleasant time every week.

During the 60s, Glen Campbell recorded a song called "Try A Little Kindness." The lyrics leave something to be desired but the fact that Glen Campbell was extremely attractive helps. Here is the chorus of the song:

"You got to try a little kindness, yes show a little kindness
Just shine your light for everyone to see
And if you try a little kindness then you'll overlook the
blindness
Of narrow-minded people on the narrow-minded streets"

Sappy? Yes. True? Yes.

I realize not everyone is religious and not everyone is a Christian, but I believe it pleases God when we help one another. Jesus said:

"...‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me.'"  Matthew 25:40

When people are kind to me it makes me want to be kind as well. What kind of world would it be if we were all kind to each other? Glen Campbell might have been on the right track.

Listening to Middlemarch

Well it's been almost a year since I wrote a post for this blog and it's high time I started again. Call it a New Year's resolution or just me wanting to vent. Anyway...

I am listening to Middlemarch by George Eliot as a free audio book from Librivox. The experience of listening to a book, especially a long one, is quite a bit different than actually reading one. Since I, like many disabled people, spend an inordinate amount of time doing things that able-bodied people rush through such as putting on makeup, getting dressed, and eating meals, I am extremely grateful for the many free audio books available on the Librivox website.

I read the Middlemarch back when I was pregnant with Emily more than 30 years ago and I don't remember anything about it. To become reacquainted with the many affairs of the people living in fictitious English town of Middlemarch through the lovely interpretation by the reader, Margaret Espaillat is a rare pleasure.

Dorothea and Will

Listening to political debates or the conversations between Dorothea Brooke and her erstwhile lover Will Ladislaw makes the struggle to put on my socks a little less frustrating. Sure it takes me 10 minutes just to get my feet into them but listening to the adventures of the Middlemarchers distracts me. Somehow I feel like great literature will always exist even though I may not. It adds an element of immortality to what might be a life of drudgery.

It also makes me appreciate afresh the great writing that created this world. Following the adventures of this host of characters from a long-ago time in English history helps me understand that some things, like politics, humor and love, are timeless. And isn't that what great literature is supposed to do?