Ruins of the Sangamon Ordnance Plant

Today I drove up old route 36 to Illiopolis, the site of the Sangamon Ordnance Plant. I got off the interstate at Buffalo and took the two-lane highway flanked by cornfields through Lanesville to Illiopolis. As I neared Illiopolis I began to see chimneys dotting the fields on both sides of the road. Some were quite close and some were far away, a mile or more. The chimneys were part of the ruins of the munitions plants that operated here during World War II.

When I reached Illiopolis, I turned around in the parking lot of a bar/diner. The sign on the building said "Now Open -The Bunkers."

I had been to Illiopolis before, last summer with my mom. At that time we discovered some overground underground bunkers in a cornfield north of the road and it was my thought that I would try to find them again. So I turned the car north, but I did not see them, so I followed the narrow paved road between cornfields, gazing at the chimneys that rose from the fields to the right and left. Eventually I reached a "t" in the road, and I took it, figuring it would meet up with a south-leading road. It was high noon and hideously hot - probably close to 100 degrees. The landscape was deserted.

As I proceeded slowly along the road, I was amazed to see what looked like ruins of a munitions plant in the middle of a field off to the right. I hadn't realized the plants covered so much area - they must have been enormous. I slowed the the car to take a picture of the ruins then noticed that to the south of the road, a gravel road lead toward some cavernous cement buildings that looked like bunkers. They looked creepy enough for me to pull the car into the enclosure, which had a silo at its entrance.

I pulled in as close to the bunkers as possible. They were overgrown with weeds, but I could still easily look through the gaping window and door holes into the dark interiors. The farmer was using the buildings for storage, and sacks of grain and cleaning supplies were stacked inside. A combine was stored off to the right next to the second bunker. As I drove south, I saw underground bunkers in a field off to the right, used to store bales of hay.

I wondered why so many abandoned structures from the plants dotted throughout the area 50 years after the plants had employed thousands of area women to support the war. Maybe because they were so well constructed -- after all they have been used to store munitions.

As I headed back to Springfield I followed the route of the train that had taken women to work at the plant. One woman, my friend Twila, might be able to remember those days. I hope so.

Aquacise!

Today I felt better in the morning, maybe because of starting this new habit last night or maybe because I had some goals in mind for the day. I got ready and went to the health club to the aquacize class that I had gone to for the first time last week. I do enjoy being a part of group exercise sessions and this came back to me as I was thrashing about in the water. I don't have very good balance or coordination, but the group and teacher were very understanding.

Afterwards, I met Marie who had also been working out, and we had coffee. She is a very deliberate speaker, but very intelligent and thoughtful, and it's good for me to slow down and listen to her. I was able to be honest with her and felt like she enjoyed being with me. I left feeling very encouraged.

I did some errands and laundry after that and made dinner. My energy gradually decreases throughout the day, so I need to make sure I get important things done early. I think I am going through a real redefining of myself and it is not without pain, but hopefully I will emerge a more useful person and more content.

I'm alone again tonight, and maybe that's okay. I don't think I'm probably too good at this point in the day anyway. I feel kind of lonely though so I hope this isn't an every night kind of thing. I do think that I tend to regain some of my energy if I rest.

Day 1 -- An online journal

I suppose that this is just talking to myself, but since I can't write by hand anymore, this may be the next best thing to a journal entry. It's actually kind of amazing how good this voice recognition software is. I don't know what I would have done had I been this disabled even 10 years ago. It is a great blessing to someone who enjoys writing, like me.

Anyway, I've decided that each evening I should at least chronicle what I have accomplished each day. Since I don't work anymore, it has become important to see what I have done -- may be to give some sense of value to my life. Maybe to justify my continued existence.

Today, I initially felt like not getting up, which is how I feel most days. I used to be a morning person, but now it is hard to see why I should get it out of bed. Fortunately, my husband and daughter are busy with their lives. If I were by myself, it might be different.

Anyway, I began to work on the assignment for a playwrighting class that I'm taking online. The Dana-Thomas House has requested that I adapt my novel, Water and Fire, into a short play that they could put on in the house next spring and I'm taking the class to help me accomplish this.

This morning I completed the first week's assignment, which consisted of a short summary of the play and a short bio of the main characters. I know that the plan will need to be much shorter than the novel and the action will need to be isolated at the house.

Working on this play is a wonderful gift and I hope that I am proceeding correctly. I need to talk with woman at the Dana-Thomas house to make sure.

It was great because after I submitted this, my mother called. Good timing. The small sense of accomplishing something helps enormously. God is providing for me and I am very thankful. I just need to make sure that I pass on these blessings. There is always a chance to help someone.

San Francisco and a new chapter

I have officially left BUNN after 13 years. Although I will continue to work from home during the month of May, I feel like I have made a big step.

Here's a picture of my cousin Katy's family and me with giant redwoods in the background -- a fitting way to start a new chapter.

After I graduated from Iowa State in 1977, I began working, first as a newspaper reporter, then in public relations and finally corporate communications. I took six weeks off after the birth of each of my daughters, then went back. If you recall, the 70s were a time when women were encouraged to be independent and feminism was on the upswing. I bought the whole "she can bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan" line and for the longest time, I couldn't understand why I wasn't happy. I had a career. I had a family. I had pretty much everything. Except for time. Well, it's taken this long and a serious fight with multiple sclerosis (that I feel like I am losing most days) but finally, I have time. And it feels great.

Got back from San Francisco last week-- a wonderful way to begin a momentous change. San Francisco was magical. Now I know why there are so many songs about it. What a beautiful place.

With apologies to Tony Bennett, this song more accurately reflects my memories.

Commemorating a big day

It seems like I should do something to commemorate this day, because in my mind it was momentous. Today, I submitted a letter saying my last day at work would be April 30. It has taken me a long time to come to this point, deciding that it is time to leave a career that I've held for over 30 years and move into different stage of my life. But it has gone from feeling like a big loss to feeling like the right thing to do, and I'm happy about that. And even though the people at work have said they want me to work from home during May, I still feel like it's time to move on.

God has played a big role in helping me get to this point. He has worked through friends in my book group and my small group, as well as people in my church. Even a friend at work has contributed to my getting to this decision..

I thought about calling various friends tonight. Maybe I should have because I know that I tend to be more solitary than I should. But I do plan to see a lot of my friends tomorrow night at a dinner, so it seemed okay to be alone tonight, since Ron is out of town, just digesting things.

It's kind of exciting to think about what may be in store for me during this next, final stage of my life. I've heard them talk on the radio about people in "encore" careers. I think that's a neat way to think about it. I do think that God has something else that I do intend to do before I go to be with Him. Hopefully I'm through with so many of the mistakes I made in the earlier part of my life. I wish that I was more capable of contributing, but I think that my limitations have helped me lose the pride that was so damaging. Maybe it has been me a better person, better equipped to do God's will.

The Twenty-Third Chapter -- Thoughts on Death

"The present is very precious; these are the days of salvation; now is the acceptable time."

"Ah, foolish man, why do you plan to live long when you are not sure of living even a day? How many have been deceived and suddenly snatched away! How often have you heard of persons being killed by drownings, by fatal falls from high places, of persons dying at meals, at play, in fires, by the sword, in pestilence, or at the hands of robbers! Death is the end of everyone and the life of man quickly passes away like a shadow."

The Imitation of Christ

I am reading a chapter of the book The Imitation of Christ by Thomas à Kempis each night before bed. I originally decided to do this because I was used to reading a devotional before bed and I didn't have one. It has been delightful to discover that this book is so profound and so useful. Also, I just learned that Agatha Christie's heroine, Miss Marple, also did this -- kind of a neat person to pattern myself after (even though she's fictitious).

To get the most out of the book, I decided to choose a passage that meant the most to me in the reading that night. Here are some of the highlighted selections in my thoughts about them:

Many words do not satisfy the soul; but a good life eases the mind and a clean conscience inspires great trust in God.
Kind of cautionary concerning writing, isn't it

A good and devout man arranges in his mind the things he has to do, not according to the whims of evil inclination but according to the dictates of right reason.
Make sure you always follow the Word rather than your feelings.

For very often, sad to say, we are so weak that we believe and speak evil of others rather than good.
Well okay...

An unmortified man is quickly tempted and overcome in small, trifling evils; his spirit is weak, in a measure carnal and inclined to sensual things; he can hardly abstain from earthly desires.
My version says the man “weak in spirit … can hardly withdraw himself altogether from earthly desires.” I am very weak, but there is hope.
True peace of heart, then, is found in resisting passions, not in satisfying them.

Enough for now. It is ennobling to read and think about these things.